Change

Isn't it funny how we change? How our lives change? How hard change is? How sometimes all we want is change! Before Bryson was born I was kind of a "safety first" person. I wouldn't say I was the most reserved person but I had lived in my hometown my entire life, and that was good for me. I was "comfortable"! Comfort was my stability. I have lived here all 34 years of my life and I have had the same job since high school. Weird, right? Seriously, no changes for me! I was afraid to drive anywhere. It was one of my biggest fears. However, I had a sick child, very sick. I was stuck in a totally unfamiliar town living without my other two children, counting on strangers to save his life. I had no choice but to "grow up" really fast. Granted, it isn't like I am a teen but I was living as if I was in some ways. I had no choice at some point but to drive in Dallas (scary as hell at first)...then I had to learn to drive in Dallas by myself, then I had to drive from my hometown to Dallas, at one point I was staying in a hotel in Dallas by myself. If you would have asked me if I would ever do that I would say, NO WAY! I had to become an advocate for my son. I had to talk to doctors in a way I was not used to, being much more assertive. I had to realize that I wasn't that little girl anymore who just took what I was given and said, "thank you". I had to deal with emotions I NEVER dreamed of having. I had to make decisions for my family that I NEVER thought would come about. Mark and I were tested beyond belief in our marriage. I was in situations with family members that proved to be devastating. I had literally had no major changes in my life in 33 years. And boy EVERYTHING changed in a blink of an eye...not to mention that my grandpa and grandma died right before Bryson was born. Change....it was a coming for me. Now.....now that I am looking at it from the outside and now that I am at a different place in my life.....I see it. I see that I was so fearful before...so guarded, and now, I feel virtually fearless. I feel like I could take on the world! And I am ready for more change. My family is too! I can't say a lot right now, because I don't know a lot but it might involve a move....not sure where, not sure when. But it is nice to look forward to change, rather than fear it!
Oh, and before I go....Bryson is TALKING! He says, "mama" and "dada" and "riley" (kory is not happy about being left out of his vocabulary, but it will happen!) he says "dog" and I think that is it. It is hard to understand him sometimes but he is a chatterin' little thing! He is still not sleeping at night. He still wants the bottle at night. He is even up to wanting two full bottle at night! I hate to cut him off though because honestly he is on a learning curve. He just got the bottle and just got to eat so I can't cut him off. Plus they want him so very fat and this is the way to do it. He does sleep late on the weekend and for that I am SO GRATEFUL! As of December 17th me and the kids are off for two weeks and I am so glad! Can't wait!!!!! Christmas is going to be AWESOME! If Bryson even sees toys on tv he starts yelling and grunting. That kid loves him some toys, and I am MORE than happy to oblige! Oh, and for any of the nursing staff at Children's who are reading. I lied! I told you all that I would NEVER spank him. Well, I have! I know, it is terrible! It isn't like I have beat him, just a little smack on a covered leg or behind...and only a few times. But he knows and it makes him mad. He even hit me back one time and grunted. Turns out that he is heading towards those terrible twos!!!!! I thank God every day for that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hello again!

Thank you to the people who got in contact with me regarding the blog. I guess I am just one of those people who needs an audience! Don't we all!
Our Thanksgiving was certainly not the best Thanksgiving, but it certainly wasn't the worst. I think Thanksgiving will always be different for me than it once was. Thanksgiving last year was honestly the worst time of my entire life. Bryson was at his sickest and we were in a struggle of what to do. I will remember that every November, no matter what I do. With that, I also remember how very thankful I am! So thankful for my sweet children, family and many friends!
We drove to Brownwood on Wednesday before Thanksgiving and Bryson started running fever that afternoon and was just sick. I really thought it as his throat and the next day I knew for sure by the grimace when he went to eat anything. We ate Thanksgiving lunch and then hurried back to Odessa to take Bryson to the ER. He screamed all the way home. The visit to the ER was short and sweet, which I love. I always like to see the surprise on medical staff's faces when I explain his medical history. They look at me like I am just full of bull!
He slowly got better and has been super clingy. No more "sleeping through the night!" now. He has gotten into the habit of waking up in the middle of the night again and so here we go.
OH, I forgot to share something super-duper cool! Bryson is walking! Oh, he thinks he is BIG stuff toddling around everywhere. He gets up and gets started and just smiles at me and puffs out his chest. It is so cute! He started walking the day after his 14 month birthday. Pretty good for a kid who layed flat on his back for the first 5 months or more of life, pretty good indeed!
And, in case I hadn't mentioned it before, he is so smart! Yea, got it from me! He has seen me blow on food at restaurants to give him so now he blows (more like "spits") on his food too. He is an ornery, rotten little thing!!!
Those other two kids are good. Just kidding! No, they are good. Riley is reading his books up a storm, he loves to read and Kory is playing the guitar up a storm. They are both doing really well in school and so far, (shall I even say it), this year there hasn't been much drama concerning school. I sure hope that continues!
I am so ready for the holidays and we found all of Bryson's Christmas stuff from the hospital. It is hard to believe that he spent Christmas in the hospital. I still feel bad for not being there with him on that day, but I had to think about Kory and Riley too and Bryson will never remember that, but I will. Anyway, we found a bear and some ornaments and a card that were given to him by JoJo. For those of you who don't remember she was his neighbor in the CICU and she died on January 3rd, the day before she was due to go home. It hurt to see those things and it brought back a lot of memories of people who will be missing their sweet babies on Christmas, either because they are gone from this earth, or stuck in hospitals. I am so thankful we are going to be home and it is going to be the best Christmas. OH, and we hung up the infamous "First Christmas" stocking that Bryson had in the hospital (thanks again Aunt Rita!) and we hung it up next to his new stocking that was made by Mark's grandma (thanks to you Sissy!) The gifts are bought, the tree is trimmed and we are all safe and warm and snug in our house. What could be better!?!?!?!?!

Things I Love!

I love Bryson's sweet, blonde curls! I love that my entire family is in my house together, warm, safe and snug! I love that Bryson is so close to walking that I can taste it! I love that my boys love their baby brother so very much! I love that I have such wonderful family and friends! I love that I finally found a sleep medication to curb my night terrors! LOL I love that my husband is about to take a different position at his company that will allow him to BE HOME! (I think I love that, LOL) I love my job, most days! I love that we are starting to go to church again! I love reading blogs! I love caring bridge! I love my life and the fact that I am in November of 2010 and not in November of 2010! :) I wouldn't change a thing about what happened but I can only say that because I am far from it! Just a note: if you read the blog, please send me a message and tell me. I am starting to think I am talking to myself, not that it is anything new, but if that is the case I might just give up and go back to Caring Bridge. Love you all, if you are there!?!?!?

Sick and Twisted! But you know you love it!

I am going to be honest....I stole this from another person's blog but it soooo good that I couldn't NOT share it with you.

“I hear religious minded people say all the time with good intentions. ‘God will never place a burden on you so heavy that you cannot possibly carry it.’
Really?
My experience is that God will place a burden on you so heavy that you cannot possibly carry it alone. He will break your back and your will. He will buckle your legs until you fall flat beneath the crushing weight of your load. All the while He will walk beside you waiting for you to come to the point where you must depend on Him.
‘My power is made perfect in your weakness,’ He says, as we strain under our burden.
Whatever the burden, it might indeed get worse, but know this-God is faithful. And while we change and get old, He does not. When we get weaker, He remains strong. And in our weakness and humility, He offers us true, lasting, transforming, and undeserved grace.”

-Greg Lucas

WOW, right? Seriously amazing! It is funny how you can know something, but when someone "says" it in another way, it just clicks...and you get it!
Also, some interesting news to share! We are going to be moving! Not sure when or where for that matter but I am super duper excited! We are staying in Odessa, I know that much but we are going to be moving into a bigger house. Riley and Bryson share a room and that was okay for a while but it isn't going to work for long. The way it works is like this....all of Riley's toys are in the room that he and the baby share.....all the baby's toys are in the living room (which works out fine because that is where he plays). The baby sleeps in the room and Riley sleeps with us. Have I mentioned that Riley weighs over 100 pounds! And I won't even begin to have you guess what Mark and I weigh! So, it is crowded! Granted, we might have 6 bedrooms and Riley would still sleep with us! For those who know us well, we have a strange thing where there is always AT LEAST one child in our bed. At one point Riley was in our bed and Kory slept on a mat at the foot of our bed. I know, our children literally stalk us! And yes, I know you are asking yourself, "gee, with all that action going on how did they manage to "make" three kids". Trust me, you get creative! And hell, my husband isn't home 85% of the time either! Life is never boring! Thankfully Bryson is blissfully unaware of the infamous "mom and dad bed" and has yet to want to be in there. Oh please Lord, let him never know!!!!! Let him never know that you can beg for stuff at the store and I will buy it for him just to shut him up. Let him never know that if he begs enough I will give him every quarter I have ever owned for those stupid gadget machines. Let him never know that when I say, "no more toys or anything until Christmas" that I really don't mean it! Yah, right!!!! I can't turn down those sweet blonde curls and that silly grin! Bryson's hair is so very pretty I have been considering putting a bow in it, just for a second, so I can see what he would look like. He would make a beautiful girl! I hate to say it but after all his scars I am thankful that he isn't a girl. I am not sure what those scars would look like over breasts! LOL! Seriously, don't tell me you never think of these sorts of things. Ok, so before I go I have to share with you the FUNNIEST joke ever. It is a little sick and twisted but it is too funny for me not to repeat it!
Ok, here it goes!

"Holocaust jokes aren't funny, Anne Frankly I won't stand for it!"
Haaaaaahhaaaaaa
Sorry!
You know you laughed!!!
:) :) :) :) :)

Yes, Yes and YES!

Yes, I am wrapping my Christmas presents. Yes, I let a 13 month old child help me. Yes, I have done ALL my Christmas shopping and pretty much wrapped it all as well. Yes, I ROCK! :) Just kidding! No, each year I do Christmas earlier and earlier. I am a lot of things but I am NOT a procrastinator, not in the least. I love to make lists but what I love to do even more is to cross things off the list after I do them. If I do something that wasn't on the list, I write it down and mark it out. It feels great! I love the long, messy lists with chicken scratchings all over them and lines crossed through everything. I feel so very accomplished when I look at lists like that! Yes, I am crazy! So crazy that I am having to finally, after all these years, resort to calling a doctor about my night terrors. For those of you who don't know the depth of my psycho behavior, I shall now share it with you. I have had night terrors for about ten years now. They come, and then they go. I will have one every night for weeks and then not again for months. Funny thing, they were pretty bad right before I got pregnant with Bryson. I remember thinking, "well, I guess this baby won't sleep with me because I will probably have a night terror and throw his infant body across the room." I was even worried about when I was pregnant what I might do to harm the baby. Little did I know I couldn't have harmed him any more than "fate" itself had. Anyhow, the minute I got pregnant I NEVER had a night terror until after Bryson got home from the hospital. It was so strange! Well, as of late, they are very bad, very bad and my husband has said that if I don't see a doctor about them he will no longer sleep with me. I guess it is pretty terrifying to be woken up in the middle of the night to shrill screams of madness while your wife jumps out of the bed and lunges at the wall. Yes, I am psycho! Sometime I wake up, sometimes I don't. If I don't wake up and Mark is there, he wakes me up, and he isn't happy and I am terrified too. Talk about creeping yourself out for the rest of the night. In the ones I remember, the truly terrifying ones, I see visions of someone scary lunging towards me, standing next to my bed. This weekend I ran down the hallway screaming. I am not sure how I managed not to run into anything. My eyes were closed until I got in the hallway and it was pitch dark. I literally woke up standing in the hallway. I don't want heavy meds, I just want to be able to sleep and not scare the ones I love. Although, it is good revenge when he has pissed me off! :)
Enough about my crazy ass self! Kory's band played on Friday night and WOW, they rocked! Kory was so excited and so pumped! It was great fun! On Saturday we did all of our Christmas shopping. Bryson does this terribly cute thing where if you all tell jokes and laugh he tries to laugh on cue too. It is so funny! He is usually a little late and after the laughter calms down he laughs this funny, fake laugh. He really enjoyed wrapping presents! Riley got his first deer on Sunday, a nine-point. He was so excited! I was so grossed out! I couldn't even take the pictures, I made Kory do it! It is supposed to get cold this weekend and I CAN'T WAIT! I am super excited. Scary movies, chicken and dumplins, snuggling, coloring, screaming night terrors! Oh, wait, that one slipped in unannounced! Before I go I will share some really good stories with you in reference to the night terrors. Kory has long since ceased to sleep with me when Mark and Riley are gone because of his fear of my fits. One night my nephew Morgan stayed the night and Kory had filled him in on the night terrors. They were going to sleep in my bed with me (it was a few years ago) and I know he layed there in the dark, wide-eyed, wondering if I was going to scream. He even woke me up several times to ask if I was ok. Another time, I went on an overnight retreat and this girl was in my cabin, we were bunk mates, and I felt like I had to tell her just in case. I swear to you she didn't sleep a wink. I think she may have stared at me all night. You have to admit, I keep em on their toes!!!! ;)

What a Difference a Year Makes!!!

WHAT A DIFFERENCE A YEAR MAKES! WOW! Seriously! The bath tub picture was taken last night, and the other picture was taken in November of 2009. I can't believe it is the same baby. The same baby that had up to 7 tubes stuck in him at one time, now is standing up on his own! He is sooooo close to walking. Riley didn't believe me that he could stand by himself so I showed him. He about freaked! He can stand unassisted for about 30 seconds. Then he gets really excited and starts flailing about and crashes and just giggles and giggles. Also, he has this new thing where he only eats red fruit loops. If you "hand" him the fruit loops he will take any color but if my mom leaves them on the ottoman and he finds any other color than red, he chunks them across the room. Goofy kid! He takes his cars and runs them all over the ground and furniture while he makes his little car noises. He seems more like a toddler than a baby now. I am so excited for Christmas but dreading it at the same time. You know my cats LOVE to get in my tree and tear bows off of presents but they are NO MATCH for what "Bryson the Destroyer" has lined up for Christmas! :) I can't wait! It is his first Christmas, his first Christmas at home anyway! I plan on hanging his infamous "First Christmas" stocking that Rita had made for him. That stocking means a lot of things to me!
Can't wait!!!!!!!! Oh, and Kory has a gig on Friday and one the next weekend in Lubbock where a record producer is supposed to be and then again December 4th. So cool! And deer season starts this weekend so I won't be seeing much of any of the boys except B. I plan on he and I having some really good time together. We are going to work on his arm. That kid can throw! Seriously! He is going to be quite an athlete!!!! I don't care what he is, as long as he is B!!!!!!!
Love you all and hope all is well!!!

Bulimia and Halloween!

I was so hoping to have these great pictures of my kids in costumes but we have yet another undocumented Halloween. Honestly a lot of the time I just get so caught up in "living" in the moment that I forget to document it. However this time it was just stinking busy!!!! Seriously, the ENTIRE weekend was sooo busy! And, as far as getting a picture of B in a costume, well, that wasn't going to happen because he won't stay in one long enough! Let's recap this crazy weekend that began on Friday at noon. I got off early on Friday because I worked until about ten o'clock on Thursday night. I headed to the coliseum to help set up Kooky Karnival. This is the Riley's schools MAJOR fundraiser every year that brings in TONS of money. Well I was fairly new to this private school thing when we began about 3 or 4 years ago and I dreamt of signing up to help with EVERYTHING and being a HUGE part of all the festivities. Well......you learn pretty quick that, well, let's just say, "it's all covered". The "seasoned veteran parents" of the school know what they are doing, and they don't need you to come along and change things up. I admit, at first that was a real kick in the teeth, however, now I relish in the fact that I have more free time than expected and God knows I need it with three kids so I am good. I spent only an hour setting up at Kooky Karnival and a large portion of that time was spent making fun of the parents that RUN THE SHOW! I'll admit it! I'm not ashamed! What else can you do but laugh. I know the other mothers like me wanted to say it but they were afraid to, so I just took the opportunity and we had a really good time! Then it was off to Seabury Nursing Home so Riley's class could sing for the residents. It was super cute! Bryson did wear some pirate pants and a white onesie and for a while he wore a pirate hat. He actually thought it was really funny but yea, no pictures. Now it is time to pick Kory up, run him to Andrews, wait, no, Midland, run back home, run to Ratliff for the big "rivalry" game. Home after 10! Saturday, up and running again, errands to run, cleaning...and Kory's band played in Andrews that evening and they were awesome! I was very impressed. My mom took Riley and Bryson to Kooky and several church Halloween festivals. They had strict instructions not to come back without cake and although it probably cost $40 they came back with a cake, and it was good. That night Riley was a football player and Bryson was a duck...yea, no pictures. They both had a great time!! Back home, order pizza, bed. Up on Sunday, errands all day, boys needs shoes and pants, home again, clean more, no time to carve the pumpkins we bought, do Riley's "zombie" makeup while Bryson helps, cook dinner, trick or treating........Whew, I am tired! So we load up Bryson in the wagon to go trick or treating in our neighborhood. He was supposed to have been the sock monkey but it was like 100 degrees on Halloween (which SUCKS) so we couldn't make the poor kid melt so instead I put him in some rock star pajamas and made his hair a mohawk....yea, no pictures. However in about 20 minutes Bryson just had what looked like bad bedhead and a chocolate goatee. I think what he wanted to be for Halloween was "bulimic baby". He has decided that it is SO MUCH FUN to chew up the food and then spit it out. He did it the ENTIRE weekend. Good food too! He had Kit Kat dripping from his chin and all over his pajamas and all in the wagon. So he got a free pass to go home with Mark and Kory and instead he helped hand out candy. He loved it! He was in his diaper and every time someone came to the door he made tons of noise and crawled over as fast as he could to help. He "stood" several times this weekend and let go between furniture so we are VERY close to walking but not yet. And, he didn't sleep ONE TIME yesterday (Halloween) but you wouldn't have known it to look at him. He was so happy! He just knew that it was going to be an exciting thing and he didn't want to miss a thing! Such a treasure!
Before I sign off, I wanted to pay my respects to a wonderful man that passed away this weekend. Mr. Lynn Dudney was at first my boss many years ago, then a friend, and then like family! He was the one who encouraged me to write the book and he was the one who footed the bill to have it published. It was a wonderful man and he will forever be missed. Please keep his sweet wife Emma in your prayers. We love you Lynn!!!!