"The best and most beautiful things cannot be seen or touched-they must be felt with the heart." Hellen Keller

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Bryson loves him some Dora! We went to pick out big boy shoes and he INSISTED that we get Dora. God love the kid. I am all about being a trendy mom but I just can't do pink Dora shoes for a boy. It was so cute! I also wanted to include some pictures with the "woobie", notice the green, satiny blanket behind Bryson. Enjoy the pics!

Just thought it would be fun to post a little picture of my peanut in utero! Wasn't he even cute then! Little did we know of the trouble this one was brewing! :)

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

So Proud!

I am so proud of my little brat!!! Just teasing, he is anything but a brat. He is soooo sweet! He is finally back to his old self and just funnier than ever. He is eating like a horse and has a love affair with donuts and ranch dressing (only not together!). If I throw away a donut box, he digs it out and brings it to me. He dug the donut box out the trash can three times yesterday! And if you give him the ranch and let him dip stuff himself.....oh my....he just thinks he is the cat's meow, coolest kid in town!
He went to his cardiologist appointment today and I am happy to report he is GREAT! He weighs almost 23 pounds (and that is inching up by the day!) and they were all SHOCKED by how "big" he is, not just physically, but mentally. My mom took him for me because we had a catastrophe at my work but she said they went on and on about how he is not behind at all. He really doesn't look like a baby anymore, but a toddler for certain.
I have to post a picture too because he has a "woobie". I am not sure if any of you have seen Mr. Mom but the kid has this terrible blanket that has never left his side for years and years and he can't give it up. Bryson has this green satin blanket that at first he just preferred. Well, now he has to have it nearby AT ALL TIMES! I made the mistake of taking him in the car last night without it and he had a nervous breakdown. This obsession with the woobie far outweighs even the mobile obsession. And the gross part is he sucks on it so it is wet most of the time and he won't let us wash it. It is so cute!
Anyway, I just wanted to post how proud I am of him. I am so blessed, in so many ways! Praise be to God!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Ignorance is Bliss!

Whoever said that ignorance is bliss sure knew what they were talking about! It truly, truly is! I liked the days when I knew nothing of sick children, sick children who passed, leaving behind a parent with an ache in their heart unlike anything they had ever known, or ever will know. I liked the days before I knew about what could happen to my child....what he could go through. Yes, I know, he made it through all that. He is a survivor, he beat the odds. But no matter what, you can't let those "feelings", those "fears" go. They lay dormant by your side and creep up in your mind when you least expect it, sometimes nesting for days...weeks...months. You watch every breathe to see if it is too deep, too shallow. You ask yourself if they are "pulling" when they breath..and then you question why you even know that term. I know that other parents who have had very sick children understand what I am saying. You try to rationalize with yourself and tell yourself, "that is stupid, there is no way that could happen to my child." And for a second, you feel better, and then you remember that you said that before, and it happened anyway. Though my story has come out wonderfully, I still can't forget...and I know that everytime he gets sick, I am going to be sick inside, wondering if really this isn't a heart issue, or a lung issue or something worse. To me, he can't just be "normal" sick because he isn't normal, or at least he wasn't for so long that I can't see him that way. Truth be told, I just get so tired of worrying....is he eating enough? is he drinking enough? do his lips look blue? why are his hands so cold in comparison to his body? I truly thought all those feelings would vanish but it is stupid to think that. I just hope that some day, they subside. I hope someday he can be sick and I can write it off as a day at home with him, cuddle up and enjoy him. I hope that someday I won't be perpetually angry at myself for being so mad when he doesn't sleep at night or puts all my belongings in the bathtub. Everytime I feel cross at B, every single time, I remember, "he almost died" and then I feel lower than low. I remember that people all over the world have to get up with their really sick or disabled children all night long and there are also people all over the world who would give ANYTHING to be able to get up with their child, who they no longer have to hold. It makes me feel like a big jerk!
I guess I say all this because B was at home with me for a long weekend with the flu and it was just so stressful. Not to mention trying to pack to move and I just worry about him. And then he is just unbearable when he is sick and I am so stressed. I was so worried about him running fever and about him not eating and it is just exhausting! Now he is much better but still not eating great and I know that when I take him to the cardiologist they are going to act like I am starving him and make me feel terrible. Let's just hope he starts eating well and PACKS ON THE POUNDS before January 25th. Thanks for listening to me gripe! We will get over this speed bump too and he will be back on track again. I am SOOOO ready for him to get to that stage where he just eats and eats! Maybe someday! :)

Friday, January 14, 2011

FLU! That's what I get for complaining, right? Now, my sweet, blonde, curly-headed, tiny germ is sick with the FLU! I even hate to type the word! UGH! He had a flu shot this year so maybe it won't be so terrible but I can only hope. I feel to blame because I took him to the doctor on Monday morning for a cough and he was screaming to get down and play with a toy in the room he was in (not the waiting room but the other room) and they said he probably picked it up there. I KNEW I should have just held him and let him scream rather than touch that nasty toy. I still don't understand why they have those germ-catching toys in there anyway! So, he was feeling pretty good earlier but now he is throwing up. He won't eat and so the medicine makes his tummy all out of whack. I feel like he is so skinny already and I know this is going to kick him right back down and we have a cardiologist appointment in a few weeks and if he isn't downright OBESE he is going to pitch a fit. I hate it! AND, we move in less than two weeks from today. I was excited, but honestly, now I am just FREAKING! Plus I have had my flu shot (which still doesn't really protect me) and my mom has had hers but I never got the boys their flu shots. I know...I am TOTALLY out of the mother of the year running. Oh well, I have no more room for trophies anyway because my wall is just overrun with them. What do you do, right???
Drivers ed is going ok. Kory got his learner's permit today and he can "officially" drive my car, with me or Mark in it. SCARY! Now that he is in drivers ed he feels like he can correct my driving on all levels. This morning he informed me that when it is foggy, it is best to drive with my high-beams on. How did I ever get this far without his help???? Oh and if Kory gets the flu, he is SCREWED because he can miss ONE DAY of drivers ed and that is it or he loses out on everything and has to start over. OH LORD!
So here is to a long, three day weekend with a very sick baby, moving boxes and mess all around and more drivers ed! Hope you all have a great one!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011


I am officially stressed! This moving stuff is FOR THE BIRDS! I kind of wish they would have said, ok, you have one week to pack and get out. I work well under pressure! I don't work so well when we drag it out so very long! I packed some last weekend and this weekend is a three-day weekend and so I plan on packing even more. I have already succeeded in packing things I needed, yay for me! No surprise there and I feel like that will just get worse.
Bryson is feeling much better. He started getting a cold right around New Years and that sucker hung on for dear life. I finally took him to the doctor, even though I knew there wasn't much they could do for him but they gave him some breathing treatments, which he thinks are just so funny. They make him kind of wild and crazy but in a good way, very entertaining. He was sleeping SOOOO terrible for the past three weeks or so. It got worse and worse. It was to the point where he was up literally every hour, like a newborn. Then he quit that and instead he got up once a night and STAYED up for hours! That sucked even more! On Monday at the doctor I asked her about letting him "cry it out", which actually KILLS me but I wanted to know in case I really got the nerve to do it. Well I guess Bryson was listening because as of that night he has slept ALL night EVERY NIGHT SINCE. Hee,hee! So funny! He is picking up on his eating a little more since he was sick, which is good. He had gotten to the point where ALL he did was drink his Pediasure. At the doctor's office he weighed 24 pounds, which clothes and all on but he just looks tiny to me. It could be that my other two kids are GIANT!
Kory started driver's ed and that is going well so far. Just as I had imagined, he is informing me of all my driving mistakes. This morning as I drove over a curb to get in the Starbuck's line I said to him, "bet they don't teach you that in Drivers Ed!" He said, "no, they don't, because it is illegal!" Hee, hee!
Riley is Riley...goofy as ever. Seems he is really venturing to attend the public school system next year. I am both nervous and excited for this. I think he will truly enjoy it!
My husband is home A LOT now! And, ladies, needless to say he is ON MY NERVES! I am soooooo not used to him being around. It is just going to take some time I know but HOW MUCH? :) Anyway, lots of changes but all is good. This time last year B was still sick (had RSV actually) but getting ready to go to the 8th floor and come home. Seems like a lifetime ago!!!!!!!!!! Love ya!

Monday, January 3, 2011

Year in Review!

I do have children other than Bryson but they just aren't as photogenic right now! And they don't pose for pictures like B does! I do love them all the same, I swear!

I have noticed that a lot of people in the blogging world do a year in review and make some predictions and wants for the year to come and me being a "follower", here goes!
Bryson was supposed to go to eighth floor at the very beginning of January but he contracted RSV, then me and the boys got sick ....Towards the end of January we spent our very last weekend on the ICU floor and then on January 25th, after 138 days in the ICU we were moved to the transitional floor. What a day! He ended up getting very sick one night in ICU, I thought it was all said and done and we were headed back to the ICU but slowly he got better and each day I learned how to take care of him. I learned how to give him his meds through the ng tube, how to reinsert the ng tube (which I ended up doing SO MANY times later on!)Bryson had a really hard time tolerating feeds and I was just so sure we were going to be stuck on the 8th floor forever!
February 5th was the day I had waited for for nearly five months! Bryson was released from the hospital! It was a day I will NEVER forget, not EVER! Our first night at our hotel in Dallas was a really, really long one but we made it. More ng tube lessons!
February 6th Bryson was at HOME! WOW!
February was super, super stressful and scary but great at the same time. Bryson threw up ENDLESSLY! His med schedule was just horrendous! I replaced his ng tube CONSTANTLY! His withdrawal from meds was just terrible, I thought we would never get through it! UGH!
Bryson stopped throwing up so much, and started gaining weight. He was officially off of all of his pain meds and was through with withdrawal and was seriously a different baby. My mom, the physical therapist and I spent ENDLESS hours working on "catching" Bryson up to his peers. I began to think it would NEVER happen! My mom started watching Bryson and I went back to work
Still waiting on little man to catch up and I seriously considering putting in the g tube because he REFUSES to eat. I am so glad he is home but seriously having a hard time with
Riley celebrates his ninth birthday and B is finally starting to catch up. In a matter of three months he made up for 6-7 months. GO B! School is winding down and the kids are READY!
Vacation time! We all go on our first family vacation! Great time and I am so thankful for my mom/nanny who took care of B so I could have fun!
July was a busy month! It is decided that Bryson needs to have his tongue and flap above his teeth cut. NOT FUN! HOWEVER, after the fourth of July weekend he decides he wants to take a bottle. In July we were able to take out his ng tube for good! This day was almost as exciting as him going home!!!! Bryson also gets circumcised. ALSO NOT FUN! I am sure Bryson is getting really tired of this by now but we are DONE with procedures! Oh, and the physical therapist dumped Bryson because he was all caught up!
Time for school again!?!?!?!? Kory is a high school freshman! BUT where we live you still go to junior high. Bryson finally got teeth, he got like 4 at once! We headed to the river for Labor Day and had SO much fun! Even B loved it! Football starts for Riley!
Kory is found by his band and gets to start practicing and playing some live shows. He is excited! We are doing football, band practice and caring for a baby. Needless to say September is a blur but we did have Bryson's BIG FIRST BIRTHDAY party! SO cool! Bryson is one!!!
Kory turns 15! We pack up the family and head to Dallas Children's to donate gifts and see our favorite doctors and nurses. It felt so good to see them again and such a good healing tool for me! Bryson is unaware and cute as can be! I do the math and Bryson's beads of courage total 736! Bryson's real first Halloween! He didn't really care but enjoyed the chocolate. He is eating good but continues to not like textures of food and chews and spits it out a lot. EEWW!
My night terrors hit an all time peak and are terrible! We celebrate our first Thanksgiving with Bryson. We attend church with Bryson two times and on Thanksgiving he gets sick, a throat infection and makes his first trip to the ER here after we drive all the way back from Brownwood.
Kory's stint with the band is officially over! Our busy time with football and band is over and the holiday rush begins! There are many questions as to if Mark will be transferred and finally we find out we are staying and start looking for houses here. We spend our first Christmas as a family at home! So great! Right before Christmas we found a house and two days after Christmas we put our house on the market and sell it the first day!
WOW! What a year! Sorry, it is so long but there was a lot to report!
We are moving January 27th! CRAZY! I love our new place, it is HUGE and so nice and I am nervous and excited. 2011 is going to be very different for us. Bryson continues to thrive and is just plain CRAZY! You would NEVER, in a million years, guess he went through all the struggles he endured! Kory is going to drivers education in January and by February he will have his learners permit and can drive with me! OMG! Riley is just being Riley and is a HUGE redneck! We are considering not doing private school anymore and he might be going back to public school since our new home is right across the street from the elementary school. Mark is starting a new position that will have him at home a lot more. My job is going to change drastically starting after this school year. I asked for changes, and MAN I got them! Lots of changes for 2011 but I am ready and I am excited! I pray that you all have the BEST YEAR EVER!