"The best and most beautiful things cannot be seen or touched-they must be felt with the heart." Hellen Keller

Monday, December 26, 2011

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

Well it is all over...kinda sad really. There is always so much anticipation leading up to Christmas....so much excitement and then BAM! It's all over. I miss it already! We had a really good Christmas. The kids had a great time! Bryson loved it all! I have decided that I am a terrible person because I literally took three pictures at Christmas and they were on my iPhone and no good! Don't get me wrong I love to see those pictures later posted online or Facebook or in a drawer (hee hee) but if I take pictures I feel like I lose the moment, like I'm not living in it. I just am not a picture taker but I plan on seriously working on it this year. It's even one of my resolutions! Oh, and we had a white Christmas!!! It snowed all day for almost two days before Christmas. It was a seriously "Norman Rockwell" Christmas. I loved it!!!! As I said, I miss it already! :). Now on to cleaning up the endless mess!!! Ugh!!! And then the new year shall begin!!!! I don't care for the actual "celebration" of new years per say but I like the feeling of a new beginning. I think we all do! Normally I am so against new years resolutions but this year I have decided I am going for it!! Go big or go home, right??? So here is my "rough draft" of resolutions
1) go to church every single Sunday
2) go on weight watchers and commit to losing weight
3) commit to taking more pictures
4) curse less (remember my spouse works in the oil field and it rubs off on me!)
5) pray more, maybe even commit to writing down a prayer list to put beside my bed
6) spend more time playing with my kids
7) work on cleaning up finances

Ok, that is all for now. Dang, I sure need some fixin' lol. I look forward to it!!! I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and I pray that your new year is the best one yet!!!!!!!

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Perspective

Said funk has now morphed into deliberate sadness......and a little fear as well. I don't want to go into it fully but my husband is having some medical issues. It is funny, with my kids I want to share it with everyone but for this situation it is "different". I think because I know that he wouldn't really appreciate me telling everyone his business and for some reason I feel like if I share it out loud and tell everyone.....well, it makes it more real. Silly, I know! I almost wonder if the "funk" was not intuition. Female intuition is an amazing thing and I KNOW for a FACT it exists. We are amazing creatures, us lady folk! Anyway, with that being said, please say a prayer for our family. It would be much appreciated! All this medical stuff and my blog obsession just has me thinking. This time of year is so hard for some people, myself included, and the truth is I never lost anyone this time of year....it is just the memories of trauma. Like an anchor they drag the time with them and every year at that same time you see the terrible things that happened years ago. I can't imagine actually losing a loved one during the holidays and yet for so many it is a reality....the cold, hard truth. I find myself asking God why there is so much sadness, why so many children suffer? I find myself feeling guilty for being happy because so many people are heartbroken. I know because I used to be that person. I remember going to Babies R Us to try to find clothes for Bryson when he was in the hospital and they finally gave me the ok to dress him. Everyone was shopping happily and anticipating the arrival of their baby and I wasn't allowed to hold mine or even dress him. When we got back with his clothes they said he had an "episode" and was very sick. He would go several more weeks without wearing clothes after that. I remember seeing the Christmas tree at Children's and my mom commented how beautiful it was....I HATED that Christmas tree. I hated the decorations. I hated all of it! And even now, even though he is WELL, I just don't see Christmas as I used to. So many, many people are hurting and I know Christmas goes on and I know it is not about the trees and the gifts but the birth of our Lord, Jesus Christ. But still, so many are hurting. Do you know how many kids spend their Christmas in the hospital? How many families spend those days waiting for test results that could change their lives forever? It is just hard these days to see the happiness and joy because life doesn't stop and become magical that day like it does in the movies. I want to go back to the days when I didn't realize how many sick kids were in the world, how many, many people are dying of cancer and other diseases. I want to be foolish and full of cheer again! I want to not worry all the time about someone or something. I want to be able to just thank God for all the good, and not pray that someone gets well or that he help a family who has lost a loved one. Just one day!!!!!!!!!!!! I know what I need....I need go back to church. To surround myself with the love of God through my brothers and sisters in Christ. We haven't been back to church since Bryson got sick. I was told not to take him to the nursery because of sickness. And honestly we had some things happen with the church that were terrible. I won't repeat them because they don't bear repeating but to say that I was bitter and angry would be an understatement. That has since passed and I have let it go. And now Bryson is showing that he loves to play with other children and his immune system is stronger. And most of all, my heart needs PEACE....the kind of peace that only God can give. I know I rambled a lot in this, it was more of a "therapy" write for me. But please, this Christmas season, remember those who are hurting and pray for their peace. AND, as always, THANKS for listening (reading) ;)

Monday, December 12, 2011

FUNK!

The title of the blog best describes me right now. I'm in.....a funk! I am not sure why. I have some suspicions but not sure exactly which one it is. Is it because it is the Christmas season and as of late I have heard so many "sad stories" from people? I am sure my obsession with blogs of sick kids doesn't help in this department. Is it money? We all lack in this department during the holiday season as well. Is it hormonal? Sorry, that may be too much information but it does seem that my PMS is RAGING! I had my tubes tied after Bryson and it seems my moods have gotten crazy as of late. For those of you who have not take care of the "baby factory" I would not recommend tying your tubes. Many problems follow after....there is even a syndrome for it. I forget the acronym but I do have MANY of the symptoms. Is it my job??? I do miss my other job like crazy! And honestly I am soooooo bored at this new job! Sometimes there is work to do but oftentimes, there is NOTHING and it drives me INSANE! I have too much time to think! Think about all I could be doing at home that is! Needless to say my life has changed considerably in the last few years. And we seem to have lost touch with a lot of friends as well. I find myself inviting friends over, planning parties and such but I am also starting to see that is never reciprocated. That never use to bother me before but now I am starting to see it more and more and frankly I am tired of that as well. I think my days of trying to keep friendships together and being the active part of the relationship are over. My time is so limited as it is so I need to spend any time left over with my family....who by the way, are all doing great. Another reason I can't figure out this funk. Everyone is great and happy but my usual optimistic attitude is dampered. I feel like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh and that if you looked at me from a certain angle you would be able to see the little black rain cloud over my head. I find myself worrying about really stupid, illogical things. If I have a strange pain, I wonder if I have cancer. If Bryson has a weird rash, I wonder if he has the flesh-eating bacteria. I wonder too much.....too loud! I am really hoping this week goes by extra fast because then I am off of work for a couple of weeks and will be smack-dab in the middle of the distraction of Christmas and company and I think that is what I need. Distractions! Sweet toddler kisses! late morning coffee in my pajamas! Hopefully it will be just what the doctor ordered! :)

Friday, December 2, 2011

Here is Riley, the "great, white hunter" He didn't get a deer at the lease so he settled for a bird in our alley. Sorry I haven't been around lately. I really enjoyed my week home and I kept fairly busy but at least we slept late and had some down time. Now that we are back to work and school......GEEZ! So busy! Riley is back in the select football full force. Truth is though, as much as he kind of dreaded it, he loves it. This weekend we have yet another tournament and it is going to be sooooooo cold! UGH! Oh well, should be fun anyhow. I love the cold weather when I don't have to sit out in it and I sure hope it is cold like this for Christmas. I can't stand it when it is all bright and sunny and warm for Christmas.....it just makes it so much more UN-Christmas-like. Speaking of Christmas, I am glad to say that Bryson has finally gotten over the "magic" of the tree and its ornaments and is beginning to leave it all alone. I swear he has hoarded 25% of my ornaments somewhere in his room. Stinker! We are getting into the swing of the holidays with Christmas parties galore. MAN! Last year I worked in an office with 6 people and we did very little. Now I work in the big central office and just in our department we look over like 5 different areas and so I think I have 5 or 6 parties to go to, in 2 weeks! WOW! I love it though and Riley is having a great chili frito pie and cookie party at his school too. We are expecting lots of family and friends this year so I am excited for that. Thanksgiving was so quiet but Christmas will not be. I really look forward to it all! I have to brag about my children while I am on here. You know it is the main reason I still have my blog! Tee, hee! So Kory is in AP classes already and is so smart. However high school is proving to be much more challenging than junior high was. He has always made great grades without even putting forth an effort but now he has to work and I think it is a shock to his system! Anyway, in addition to his World History AP class, he was invited into some special secret, uber smart history class. So proud of him! He has also been approached by the Decathlon and the Debate team. He says he isn't quite ready for those but I wish he would. Anyway, I am so proud of him! Riley is kicking butt too! He has made great grades at school and even though this is his first year in public school he is the social butterfly and loves it. And in football, well, they love him. It doesn't hurt that he is the second biggest kid on the team. Remember the reference, "tank 2". My kids are so huge! Bryson has gotten so tall. I don't remember either of my other boys being so tall as he is now. And he is adorable as always and talking up a storm! For about two weeks we went from "momma" to "mommy" and my goodness I swear he said it every two seconds. SUPER cute but I have to admit I got kinda sick of hearing it! :) And....big news.....remember Lloyd (the green, satiny blanket that is constantly in his mouth)well, he had surgery. Don't worry, it was minor. Well, I suppose being CUT IN HALF isn't too minor, is it????? Yes, my mom cut Lloyd in half. He is soooooo attached that he won't even let us wash it so we figured that if we "halfed" it then we could wash one, etc... In reality he carries them both around but he thinks it is hilarious that she cut Lloyd in half. Silly boy!
Here he is in his "mommy" phase. Kory is the one at the end of the video. Such a dork!
video