"The best and most beautiful things cannot be seen or touched-they must be felt with the heart." Hellen Keller

Wednesday, December 8, 2010


Isn't it funny how we change? How our lives change? How hard change is? How sometimes all we want is change! Before Bryson was born I was kind of a "safety first" person. I wouldn't say I was the most reserved person but I had lived in my hometown my entire life, and that was good for me. I was "comfortable"! Comfort was my stability. I have lived here all 34 years of my life and I have had the same job since high school. Weird, right? Seriously, no changes for me! I was afraid to drive anywhere. It was one of my biggest fears. However, I had a sick child, very sick. I was stuck in a totally unfamiliar town living without my other two children, counting on strangers to save his life. I had no choice but to "grow up" really fast. Granted, it isn't like I am a teen but I was living as if I was in some ways. I had no choice at some point but to drive in Dallas (scary as hell at first)...then I had to learn to drive in Dallas by myself, then I had to drive from my hometown to Dallas, at one point I was staying in a hotel in Dallas by myself. If you would have asked me if I would ever do that I would say, NO WAY! I had to become an advocate for my son. I had to talk to doctors in a way I was not used to, being much more assertive. I had to realize that I wasn't that little girl anymore who just took what I was given and said, "thank you". I had to deal with emotions I NEVER dreamed of having. I had to make decisions for my family that I NEVER thought would come about. Mark and I were tested beyond belief in our marriage. I was in situations with family members that proved to be devastating. I had literally had no major changes in my life in 33 years. And boy EVERYTHING changed in a blink of an eye...not to mention that my grandpa and grandma died right before Bryson was born. Change....it was a coming for me. Now.....now that I am looking at it from the outside and now that I am at a different place in my life.....I see it. I see that I was so fearful before...so guarded, and now, I feel virtually fearless. I feel like I could take on the world! And I am ready for more change. My family is too! I can't say a lot right now, because I don't know a lot but it might involve a move....not sure where, not sure when. But it is nice to look forward to change, rather than fear it!
Oh, and before I go....Bryson is TALKING! He says, "mama" and "dada" and "riley" (kory is not happy about being left out of his vocabulary, but it will happen!) he says "dog" and I think that is it. It is hard to understand him sometimes but he is a chatterin' little thing! He is still not sleeping at night. He still wants the bottle at night. He is even up to wanting two full bottle at night! I hate to cut him off though because honestly he is on a learning curve. He just got the bottle and just got to eat so I can't cut him off. Plus they want him so very fat and this is the way to do it. He does sleep late on the weekend and for that I am SO GRATEFUL! As of December 17th me and the kids are off for two weeks and I am so glad! Can't wait!!!!! Christmas is going to be AWESOME! If Bryson even sees toys on tv he starts yelling and grunting. That kid loves him some toys, and I am MORE than happy to oblige! Oh, and for any of the nursing staff at Children's who are reading. I lied! I told you all that I would NEVER spank him. Well, I have! I know, it is terrible! It isn't like I have beat him, just a little smack on a covered leg or behind...and only a few times. But he knows and it makes him mad. He even hit me back one time and grunted. Turns out that he is heading towards those terrible twos!!!!! I thank God every day for that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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