"The best and most beautiful things cannot be seen or touched-they must be felt with the heart." Hellen Keller

Monday, September 27, 2010

Oh what fun we will have!

As you can see the party took place! Indeed it did! After months and months of planning, we pulled it off! I am sorry I wasn't able to post a picture of everyone there. We had SUCH a good turnout! How many one year old's have a four hour party with over 100 guests. I am "guesstimating" of course but we had a really big turnout and it was just great. Thank you so much for all those who came, some from a long, long way. Thanks for all those who helped me in any way with the party. Thanks to those who couldn't come but sent birthday wishes. It was such an awesome day! I was so stressed and busy that it didn't "hit" me until we sang Happy Birthday to him. That is when the tears welled up. I had envisioned singing Happy Birthday to him so many times but it was far sweeter than I had even imagined! He is so funny! He is so very oblivious to his true power, of how much a miracle he is. I can't BELIEVE the lives this kid has touched! I just can't get over it! And he just smiles and goes on about his business! And busy he is! He was so sweet at the party and just let everyone hold him. We passed the kid around like a joint! Hee, hee! When it was time for cake he wasn't sure what to do. He stuck a hand in it and then Riley decided to help him. He took Bryson's entire hand and laid it out flat on the cake, giving him an entire handful of icing that he then proceeded to throw. I call him "The Destroyer" for a reason. I don't know that he ever tasted that cake, he only destroyed it! He even attempted to push the remainder of his cake off of the tray so that it would all be gone. May I just remind you that he does that AT EVERY MEAL! I spend approximately 20 minutes each night cleaning up the remainder of food that he has thrown off of his high chair. He started off the party with a Rock Star shirt and jeans and camp shoes. He ended the party with no pants, just a diaper, an old pajama t-shirt and camo shoes. So cute!
He barely napped all day and I thought he would be gripey but he wasn't and I was SURE he would pass out as soon as we got in the car (I know I wanted to!) but instead he chewed on his shoe all the way home. It probably had cake on it! :)
Once we were home he continued to not sleep until probably 10:30pm. I know he was tired but HECK, you wouldn't have known it then or the next day. I think I was WAY more tired!
Anyway, it was the most amazing birthday ever and I am so very grateful to have so many wonderful people in my life to share Bryson with. I am one blessed girl!!!!
We got so very many donations for Children's, more than I could have imagined. So many! I also got a ton of money to spend on more donations.
I called today and spoke to them to find out how we were going to disperse the donations. I have to say that in my little, dream world we would drag B up and down the halls handing out gifts like it was Christmas but realistically I knew that was not the way it worked. And honestly, I think if I had to step foot back in that ICU floor I would be physically ill, I truly would. I think God intended for it to be this way to spare me any more heartache so instead, it will go like this. We will spend the remainder of the money to buy more things. One thing I really want to buy is mobiles. As you all remember Bryson's mobile was so very important in his healing. As silly as that sounds, it truly was. I swear, he still recognizes it! And many babies did not have mobiles. Just think, all they do all day is lay on their backs and look at machines and monitors, so mobiles are going to be brought forth, many mobiles! So we will bring all the goodies to the circular drive at Children's and they will meet us and unload them and then they will make notes and such. One thing they are going to ask is if we want these things to go to other floors of Children's or just "our" floor. I have thought about this a lot and I want the things to be on "our" floor. Not to be stingy but it is just something I feel right about. I want to picture those soft, silky blankets being laid down underneath a child who just had their heart fixed. I want the fluffy, stuffed animals to be used to hold up a ventilator for a child who is slowly healing. That floor means a lot to me. Which brings me to my next point......Today after talking to Children's and being saddened by the fact that we can't hand the things out and realizing that we can bring Bryson to the lobby floor but not in the unit and realizing that I won't ever step in that unit again.....I realized something...it is time for me to let go...to let go of bad memories...of open chests and tubes and deaths...it is time for me to move on and to feel joy...and only joy. Not joy tinted with fear, or joy tinted with distant memories that make me shudder...but TRUE, REAL JOY! I really feared that starting September 17th on it would be bad..that I would think, "today is the day that they did this...today is the day they did this." but it hasn't been like that. One day, out of nowhere, it just stopped, not fully, but nearly and it has felt so good and so freeing. So I am going to go down there and share the wonderful gifts given by all of you and share my wonderful gift of a sweet, blonde, curly haired little munchkin and that is it. Then I am going to come back and I am going to spend Halloween with him (he is going to be a sock monkey!) and Thanksgiving and Christmas and Easter and another birthday (way more low key than this one I might add) and on and on and on and I hope to be able to share that all with you as well! Oh what fun we will have! I love you all and we would NEVER be here without all of you! NEVER!

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