"The best and most beautiful things cannot be seen or touched-they must be felt with the heart." Hellen Keller

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Labor Day Fun!!!

I have to admit, I was DREADING going to the river with little B. I mean, he is a baby and we all know that they can make out of town trips miserable but you know what, he was soooo good! As you can see from the pictures, the International Man of Mystery even got to come. I know it hurts his heart that he doesn't get to see the kids, especially Bryson. He spent so very much time with him at the beginning of his life and now he hardly gets to see him. Although he always makes up for lost time. One morning he got up before me and scooped up B and took him outside to have coffee together. It was sweet!
So we have figured out that B likes to be in the car for about 4 hours. After that, he is done and he screams, it is a mad scream but the boys were real champs in handing him stuff to keep him happy. We went to Leakey and it was so fun, very relaxing. The boys really had a good time. They floated the river and played by the bridge. Bryson loved the water. He played and played and then we would put him in the playpen and he would play with his toys and read his plastic books and then drift off to sleep. He would sleep all night, we even had to wake him up every morning. It was great! I so enjoyed having this time with my family and friends. I laugh because we would have NEVER taken Kory or even Riley to the river when they were not even a year old but now that we have the older boys we drag Bryson everywhere. Before he was born we always discussed how we would drag him all over and then we he was sick for so long I was sure that our lives would never be the same again. To be taking a vacation like that with everyone was so great!
I have been thinking so much about the past. I can't seem to stop and as I said every day it gets a little easier but I look forward to the day that maybe just "one" day I don't think about it. I feel silly because I have this sweet, cherub faced baby reminding me that all is well but then again, there are those scars, constant reminders, every little thing, even good things, are reminders of what we all went through. I really feel like our trip in October to deliver goodies to the kids in the CICU is going to be the turning point for me. I need some really good memories at Children's to replace the bad ones. I can't WAIT to show him off. Funny thing that has crossed my mind, when we were there someone came back with their child just the same way, to show them off and I remember I was happy for them but it made me soooo angry. It was a reminder to me of where we were and where we should have been. I want to be careful to those parents who are there going through that nightmare, to not make them feel that way. I am hoping we will have lots of goodies to pass out and that will make a big difference. I visited with nurse April for almost an hour or more on the way to Leakey and I enjoyed it so much. How is it that you can know someone for four months but feel like you have known them your whole life??? Anyway, I can't wait to see everyone and to show off that cute little stinker! TEN MORE DAYS and Bryson will be one year old. I know it is going to be an exciting day, but an emotional one too. Memories of that day a year ago will haunt me. I wish I could look at the day of his birth as a wonderful memory but that is just never going to happen. But that was one day....five months of scary followed but considering we have a lifetime of happy memories to share with Bryson, that makes me smile!!!!! :)

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