Monday, February 6, 2012
It came....and it went
It does not mean to be in a place
where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work
it means to be in the midst of things
and still be calm in your heart.... (unknown)
Just like the title says....It came...and it went....and I didn't even notice! September 30th came (the day Bryson had open heart surgery) and it never even crossed my mind. And yesterday I realized that February 4th (the day Bryson finally came home)came...and I never even though about it...not once. I am healing. Slowly but surely, I am healing, and it feels so peaceful. There were so many nights of wrestling with thoughts and fears and anxiety and without me even realizing it, those thoughts are fading. Instead those thoughts are replaced with silly grins and laughter and hugging. Bryson has the best smile now! He smiles with his entire face. His eyes slant, his nose crinkles, he shows every, single tooth and he is even getting a dimple. It just melts me! He will lay next to me and night, trying to be good and quietly go to sleep and I try so hard not to look at him because it gets him all wound up but I can't do it. I have to get one more glimpse and he always has his eyes open and he catches me and there goes that smile (of course there is a green blanket hanging out of his mouth!) and he just giggles! Such a treasure! I have realized that he is still such a baby. Diapers, still takes a bottle, has his lovey and wants to be held tight and I know I should be trying to potty train (I am some but he isn't ready) and taking the bottle away (it is only at night and early morning anyway) but I LOVE that he is still my baby. For so long I didn't get that baby stuff from him and when he came home from the hospital he didn't take a bottle or want to be held and so I feel like we just postponed it and NOW he is my sweet, cuddly baby. I love that! I love every inch of him and it feels so good to enjoy him without those fears and feelings! Sweet release!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Praise God!